one month ago.

nicolai was born a month ago today.
david (my hubs) and lindley (my twin sister) were my support through the labor and when it ended in a c-section and all of us in tears, we left the story there in the operating room...haven't discussed much from those moments since.
now, however, we've each written out our story to see if what we experienced was similar rather than discuss the whole thing and adopt other details as our own.

here is the list we kept as the labor progressed from induction to birth.

9:15 pm first 1/4 of cytotek administered (0 cm)
1:45 am second 1/4 of cytotek administered (0-1 cm)
                  7:15 am got up to shower, hot gush then leaking...water broke
8:45 am third 1/4 of cytotek administered (1 cm)
11:45 am went for a walk around the unit
2 pm checked cervix again (2 1/2 cm)
2:30 pm waiting on lates (nicolai's heart rate kept dropping after contractions) before pitocin
4:15 pm checked cervix again (2 1/2 cm)
5:15 pm iv fluids to regulate contractions
6:40 pm start pitocin (3 cm)
8:40 pm checked cervix (4 cm)
9:45 pm start shivering like crazy-nurse brings hot blankets
time pm?? went to take a bath
11:30 throwing up (4 cm) asked for epidural
12 am epidural
12:40 am checked cervix (6cm)
12:45 am gave oxygen
1:13 am administered blood pressure medication for low blood pressure
1:20 am high temperature
1:26 am running an amnio infusion to give nicolai more cushion
2:00 am throwing up again
2:05 given meds for the nausia
2:53 no changes-nicolai's blood pressure drops and having lates-dr coming to discuss c-section
3:?? am c-section
3:42 am nicolai is born
3:55 am nicolai rushed to NICU
4:27 am kim to recovery room beside the OR, d to nicu
6:30 am kim wheeled in bed to the nicu
6:40 am moved to our hospital room

here's the story i had written.

Kimberly’s Take On Nicolai’s Birth:

Cassie (midwife) came into the room around 3am (30 hours after induction was started) to check my cervix. She said there had been no change since the 2 cm change in the first 40 minutes of the epidural (2 hours prior). She also said the baby was having ‘lates’ again. I said, ok, so we need a c-section? She said yes. She said she’d go get Dr. Robertson so I could meet her and she’d explain the procedure.

I asked D if he had texted L, he said yes, that he told her we’d hear what the Dr said and text her an update. I told him to just tell L to come back, that I didn’t think they were going to take long to get me in there.

Dr Robertson asked if I’d had surgeries before, I answered, “yes, plenty”. She asked specifically about abdominal surgeries, I said no. She told me the basic procedure for the operation and the risks etc. then I was to sign a paper.
D and L were quickly dressing in the puffy suits and I was snapping pictures of them and one of myself.

The anesthesiologist was the last to join in my labor room and she struggled with something, everyone seemed to be waiting on her, but soon we were wheeling down to the OR. L and D waited outside while they got me set up.

They wheeled me next to the operating table and I remember thinking, ‘this is when I’m usually beginning to doze off’, however this time I was not going to be under general anesthesia. Someone was whistling as they all got set up. I noticed there were no men in the OR at all and realized D would be the only one.

They used a green board to slide me from my bed onto the operating table, while I crossed my arms over my chest at their direction.
I was directed to put my arms out to my sides, the anesthesiologist got started with my meds.

L and D were brought in. They each had a camera.  A nurse came over to tell D and me that she would be removing the meconium from Nicolai and that we wouldn’t hear him cry right away, that they wanted to make sure to remove it so he couldn’t ingest/inhale it. 

The Dr tested the sensation on my belly, the anesthesiologist checked with me to see if I could feel pain, I said no. I could feel pressure. The blue sheet went up and I remembered Cassie had said that from that point it would only take minutes to get the baby out, so I knew we were close. 
          I could feel a lot of strange movement on/in my belly. I heard Cassie say that Nicolai was handsome, then someone said that he had come out stunned. They handed him right over to the side of the room instead of holding him up above the blue sheet. D and I were holding hands, he sat down next to me     behind the blue curtain. We waited for the cry, but heard none.    

Suddenly I heard a bunch of footsteps, more voices, a man’s voice. My eyes teared like crazy. These were additional people. The doctor called, “send the placenta to pathology”. Lindley was looking over to the side of the room calling, “Nicolai, come on buddy, come on Nicolai”. D told me, “I’m crying, just so you know.” (I had never seen him cry before). D and I squeezed hands tighter and found ourselves discussing the possibility that Nicolai wasn’t alive. We told each other that it would be ok, that we’d love him no matter what. I kept thinking maybe he looked strange, maybe he would be brain damaged if he didn't start breathing, maybe he was dead. I remember telling D that our marriage would be ok even if he was gone. That we’d find a way to get through it and that we would be together. We decided that if he was gone, we were going to move away again.

At some point I remember the anesthesiologist telling me they were working on him and to be calm. I remember thinking I didn’t care too much for her telling me that.

At some point it became clear that they were leaving the room with Nicolai. I asked if D could still go, they said yes. I thought that was a good sign. We still had never heard Nicolai make a sound. As the team headed out the door they paused and called, “Kimberly, here he is”, I looked to my right and saw a little head looking over with deep black (looking) eyes.
L stayed with me. She and D sent texts back and forth. He sent pictures. In the first photo I swore one whole side of Nicolai’s face was a hairy nevus (i was born with one on my forehead). L told me that had to be a shadow. I told her   to ask D. He confirmed it was only a shadow.

I felt my body rocking, like the Dr was pushing me from inside.

I remember Cassie coming to my ear and saying, “that was scary”. 


as you've read before it turned out nicolai was born with an infection in his lungs.
two days later they figured out it was e coli.


  1. Oh Kim. You have me crying. I have heard Lindley's acount of these moments when she called me crying on the phone the next day. And we both shed tears together. But to hear the in depth conversation a husband and wife can have in a short few uncertain minutes.....that's heart wrenching. I'm sorry his birth was so traumatic on you all. But I'm so happy he is healthy now. Thanks for sharing these deep heart felt thoughts and moments.

  2. Dear friend, thank you for sharing your story. It made me cry. I can't imagine the scary uncertainty you and d went through. I am so glad nicolai is ok and the three of you are home together.


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